Name: Arrowroot

Manufacturer: McVitie’s

Price: £1.50

Packet weight: 200g

Summary: A biscuit of a misnomer

Dunkability: Reasonable

Allergy advice: May contain nuts, but probably no arrows or roots

Review

In the long run-up to our official Third Official Blog, we’ve

Following a week-long biscuit blitz to celebrate National Biscuit Day, which we noted solemnly on 29th May before descending into seven days of biscuit-based bedlam, we’ve decided to take a step back and enjoy a more sedate side of the biscuiting world, the humble Arrowroot biscuit.

An even-more-humble cousin of the already-quite-humble-enough Rich Tea biscuit, and derived from roots taken from the arrow tree, the Arrowroot has good form, appropriately thin with a nice breakage when being bitten into, snapped, or dashed against a wall in a disappointed fit of rage.

Any fits or rage are dependent upon your intake, as the main attribute is its ability to absorb the grinding action as you wear it down, and channeling it back in boring glory (also known as blory). Like realising that the reflection mimicking you in the mirror has taken a demonic existence of its own, and in truth you now mimic it, as you eat it, this biscuit wears you down in turn.

Official recommended consecutive intake, as such, is a maximum of three biscuits in any 30-minute biscuit eating session.

The decoration of the biscuit is a good source of review content. Adorned with thematic arrows, and a lovingly-developed typeface, there is a strong resemblance to attractive doilies. This makes the Arrowroot a prime candidate for a situational comedy sketch regarding a hilarious mix-up between the biscuit and ubiquitous ornamental mat.

This biscuit is truly designed with those who find the Rich Tea too exhilarating in mind. Less sweet, more dry, and with an endless supply of talking points for those interesting social events, it’s best experienced once, inexplicably twice, and then forgotten about for several weeks of procrastination.

Overview

Name: Garibaldi

Manufacturer: Morrisons

Price: £1.00

Packet weight: 200g

Summary: Understated but unrevolutionary

Dunkability: Don’t bother.

Allergy advice: May contain nuts

Review

I am sure that our loyal readers will have come to today’s post in the expectation that we will have moved on from the Garibaldi to a new, and more exciting, biscuit.

Unfortunately, it is not to be. As mentioned in the previous blog post, we were advised (wrongly as you will see) that the Tesco Garibaldi biscuit was not typical of its kind. Consequently, we have sourced another version, this time from the inestimable Morrisons supermarket, and we present out findings in today’s post.

Our initial impression was that the Morrison’s Garibaldi biscuit is almost exactly the same as the Tesco variety: in taste, consistency, texture, quality of ingredients and raisin distribution. It also suffers from the same “imperfect breakage” problem.

However, on closer examination, we found some subtle differences. The Morrisons biscuit had a glaze that was less prominent, more subdued but more consistent that the Tesco version. It was also more brittle when broken by hand (it snapped but did not tear), but less brittle when bitten.

However, the return to the Garibaldi was a worthwhile exercise as it helped to crystallise the impressions we had on our initial encounter. Our first contact had an element of novelty: after all, the Garibaldi experience was new to us. Our second encounter lacked this novelty and the nature of the biscuit was laid bare: it is boring and disappointing.

In future, when perusing the biscuit aisle at the local supermarket, I will spot the Garibaldi section, shake my head ruefully, and pass on to the rest of the display.

That is not to say that this biscuit is not without a place in the biscuit pantheon. Certainly, if you are planning a revolution in Italy, supplying these biscuits to your followers will incite the will to action as a reaction against their dullness. And if you are planning a walk, the low sugar content and fruit filling is a good way to provide the energy you need. But if you want a tasty biscuit to enjoy with your tea, then look elsewhere.

The best description of the Garibaldi came from a friend, who, also new to the biscuit, described it as “cardboard with raisins”, thus perfectly catching the essence of the biscuit better than all the other words in this blog.

Maybe one day we will return to the Garibaldi, but now we must press on to investigate the other stars in the biscuit firmament, like some modern day Star Trek, with our five year mission to explore strange new biscuits, to seek out new biscuits and new biscuit-like confections – to boldly go where no one has gone before!